We have always asked our son before tickling him – he often says no, but when he does say yes we always have fun.Ģ) Give the Child an Easy Way to Opt Out: if your child agrees to the tickle fest, come up with a fun way for her to end it. Here are some ideas to empower your child while connecting with a fun, physical game or playing with games.ġ) Ask First: give your child the power to say no to a game of tickles. Instead of being in control of tickle games, hand the control to your child. Tickling does not have to cause shame and a sense of powerlessness. Neither of those lessons are appropriate. It teaches her to succumb to the violation of her own body by someone more powerful, and it teaches her that it is acceptable (even fun!) to violate the person of another. Normal tickling – the type where a child feels out of control of the “game” – teaches a child two things. The uncontrollable laughter heard in a tickle game is usually not a free reflection of joy it is a forced physical response. The game stops not when the child wants it to, but when the adult decides to.ģ) the child is left feeling vulnerable: sustained laughter and adrenaline from the “fight or flight” feeling brought on by the tickling leaves the child out of breath, shrieking, pulling away, or screaming “no!” or “stop!” In some instances, the child even cries or wets herself, adding to the humiliation she feels at being completely dominated and out of control. The child has less strength, less physical prowess, less control. At the beginning, it probably looks like a fun game.Ģ) it is controlled by the adult: the child is rendered helpless under the adult’s tickling fingers. The child may run screaming and laughing away from the chasing, tickling adult. What’s not fun about that? But think about the typical tickling game:ġ) it is initiated by the adult: tickle-fests are normally started by the parent. When you tickle a child, the child laughs. At first glance, tickle games appear to be times of fun and joy.
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December 2022
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